When You Feel Awkward In Your Own Body

By | June 6, 2024

Most people don’t notice their body-awkwardness. You may know that something’s not right when you walk, but have no idea what is the issue and why you can’t feel at ease in your own body. It bothered me for so long… I knew people were noticing that I can’t move freely. They saw I’m not at ease with myself the moment I was entering the restaurant I currently work in.

So what’s the matter, I asked myself? After years of trial and error, because I couldn’t understand why was I in such a mess. I hated it. But something clicked in me, and I told myself that I must crack the issue. I realized I have to see what’s behind my neurotic walk.

I consider myself lucky — for I blindly followed spiritual principles without knowing where I might end up. I had no idea what meditation will do for me. I was on an intensive process of raising my level of consciousness. That is, becoming more aware of what I was holding in my subconscious mind; the part of our psyche that has stored trauma in it. Becase most people can’t see what’s in there — most of the issues we have (anger, resentment, envy, jealousy, being judgmental, fear, anxiety, depression, an anxious or avoidant attachment style, or any negativity) are automatic; we have no control over them. They get triggered by other people for no good reason — they only have to appear in front of us — or when we’re lonely. And sometimes, our neuroticism gets triggerd for a good reason, but that’s beyond the issue, because we want to be in a position where we relinquish our psychological matters.

I didn’t know what I was doing on the spiritual path. I had no idea I was raising the level of my consciousness. I only knew it intelectually that something was about to come, but I didn’t know what exactly. I was ignorant. But ignorance is not a problem when you are consistent; persevering gets you out of ignorance as time goes by. One lesson I got is that you don’t have to know what you are doing on the mastery path — the journey of self-actualizing is full of surprises, and it’s great if you have no idea what the heck is going on. I won’t get into the detais — that will happen in another article — but I will say: Because I raised the level of my consciousness, I was able to see when my bodily awkwardness was triggered and why. Furthermore, I was able to get it under control and let go of it completely. That means I was able to rid myself of it; I ‘eradicated’ it from my psyche.

Other people might tell you how to feel at ease with yourself among people, but I believe we must work consciously with our neurotic issues. Whatever it is that we’re suffering from on a mental level, we can heal ourselves consciously. All it takes for us is to become more conscious, even though we might not have an idea on how to do it and attain a higher level of awareness. The element of surprise must no be missing. If we feel discouraged for not knowing how to do something, that must be a good sign that we’re on the right track. Because we will get there if we do the work on a daily basis. I guarantee that if you persevere enough, you will get to the point of understanding why you are neurotic and awkward in your own body.

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